Random Postings

One wk has passed since sch really started. Getting on the track now.

One evening, i was juz having dinner wif my buddy when something just dawn upon me. In the world, there are so many pple tat dread gg to work. I jus felt I am so lucky. Teaching is my first career and my passion for it jus grew as I began on this long journey. Though grumbles abt students are inevitable, but I juz love the feel when ur students smile at the "lame" jokes i sometimes made during lessons. Gt one guy in my P5 class called Wei Hern. He is the hyper active ytpe with sometimes no regards for teachers. But i jus find him quite adorable sometimes, esp when u crack jokes abt him. haha... I asm nt sure whether I am a gd teacher but wat i can say is that i will continue to do my best for my pupils. I actually look forward to gg to sch everyday, except stupid lesson plans, hahah...

Actually, i feel that kids will know that u genuinely care for them though they might nt show it. We might nt sense it immediately but by and by, u will get a hint here and there that they appreciate it. During the \holidays, i get a few sms from my former students that actually made the passio in me grew stronger. Students that i feel will hate me cos i scold them so much, they actually ask if i will teach them again. When myformer students see me, they actually smile and wave at me. This might be very common but i gt no idea leh, when i see my students wave at me, i actually feel happy.

But sometimes, i also worry a bit abt my "passion" for them. Tis yr, I am a Form teacher for 2 hOPE, as mentioned in my previous posting. I tried my best to decorate the class, tried my best to intereact with the class the best i could, etc.... Sometimes i wonder, am i sort of "spoiling market" in the eyes of the others. Yes, I neednt care abt wat others view abt me.. But sometimes, i just wonder how pple view me. Sometimes, i think other pple might find me an eyesore. I am jus a newly grad teacher who knows nuts abt teaching but i am given so many opportunities to perform. Some teachers who went into the sch the same time as me don even get the chances that I am given. How will they feel?

Take for eg........ The house practice. Actually i don know if i am over paranoid or wat. I keep worrying abt allocating different teachers for house prac. I jus came up with an idea of asking the teachers wat they wan then i jus allocate them. but then,haiz........ nvm... I don even know how to express myself.....

Actually, i made a promise to myself tat I won blog abt unhappy things in my tis blog again. But then, i think i need to release some of the things bahz. These few nite gt insomnia which i told no one abt. not even my buddy,. I tried to force my self to think abt happy things like my lovable kids in all my 3 classes but then, the demon of being over paranoid jus kept daunting me. Something very sad happened last yr but i choose nt to write it here..... My friends who know me in the past will know tat actually i am very pessimistic. I will give my self unduly stress. But i choose nt to disclose my feelings to anyone lest they will be troubled too. That is wat i planned when i stepped into the working society in June.

How???Actually, I am very scared. I am scared tat how other pple will snigger when i fail in my duty. I kept giving myself high expectations on my P4. But i also scared tat if they don do well @ end of the yr, wat will other pple say?

Jus went to SIM today to collect my course materials and attend orientation. Saw the whole thick stack of notes and books, i felt like fainting lor. So many things to do ....

Win alr lor. So much responsibilities. Yes. I might be pessimistic. On the outside, i might look very bo chap but then... haiz....... yes i wan to aspire to something in my teaching career.. Yes, i think a lot of teachers dote on me(@ least on the pretxt)... Yes, i am being reminded that i am exchanged for 2 teachers over and over again (though i don know how true it is..) But sometimes, i wish tat nt so many things will fall on my shoulders. Some exp teachers might feel tat wat i have now is nothing but to me, it seems quite heavy. Sometimes, i don even know who can I talk to...

Seeing the joy of the innocent souls, I forget my troubles.
Wat I have started to sow, i will get the rumbles.
In great faith I pray, wat i get in the end are nt rumbles, but big juicy fruits of labour.