Today Monday already...
5 days later, starting from tomorrow, I will be leading a group of largely first time volunteers to Laos..
Somehow, i feel this great burden on me. Many of them are volunteers going overseas for the first time and this first experience might jus decide whether they will continue to do so or jus let this exp be their first and last time. If I forget something or nvr plan something, it will just add on to the frustration of all the group members and might led to them not going on overseas service-learning trips anymore.
Only recently did I realise that I carry on this burden as a leader.
Hours are counting down and as days goes by, my confidence level gets lower and lower. Taking on such an important role, even though I don know whether I am up to it or not.....
Monday, November 30
Saturday, November 28
Emotional Coastal Ride
Ever since Wednesday evening, its had been a emotional coastal ride for me.
25 November 2009 (Wednesday)
As lying on my bed watching Animal Planet, suddenly remember that tmr is the PSLE result releasing day. The stress start to creep up on me. The many 'what if' slowly flood my thoughts. What if.... What if...... What if...... Fell asleep only in the early morning.
26 November 2009 (Thursday)
Reach school in the morning. Saw the results. 5 of my F subj students didnt pass chinese. Though it doesnt matter as chinese is not counted as part of the result, i still felt as if I let the school down. Last year was a whooping 100% pass and this year is only 75% pass, I felt very down and depressed. However, i still put on a strong front and act as if nothing happen. However, deep inside, I was thinking about how others will think. Am I really that lousy?
Saw all the P6 pupils and tons of pupils in the hall, all waiting for the release of results. Some were smiling and some were nervous.
All went back to the classrooms to get their results. Some were happy when they got their results but some broke down immediately upon receiving the news.
One student got my attention. B was smiling all the way till the moment he got his result. He was retained. His smile went away immediately and became silent. He went back to his seat and tears start to drop. I knew him for two years and this is the first time i saw his tears drop. Never had i imagine that he could be so disappointed. Nomatter how i console him, his tears flowed like a stream.
Looking outside, i saw WH standing there,looking in. His eyes were also red and before long, his tears start to flow as well. He went to askhim what happen.. He said that he cried because he felt sad for B and as well as he coundlt bear to leave the school ,after 6 years of studying. Truthly speaking, at the point of time, I felt like crying as well.
The Prem asked me over. I was thinking why she called me in a rush. Then i went into the classroom and saw M trying to grab hold of E. E was inconsolable cos he was scared that his Dad might jus give him a good beating. He even thought of committing suicide. Reading this, you might feel that he is just acting. But if you were on the scene, you will know that he actually meant it. But finally, he managed to cool down and we managed to call his mum to speak on the phone with him. After a long while, i released my hold on him. Felt very anggry at his mum for treating him like this.
In the afternoon, realised that I forgot to order the YEP t-shirt while on the way to NCHS to deliver the cheques. Hence, had to return back to school to order the shirts. After which, had to go to NUH to buy the group medicine and then to IMM to buy First Aid kit.
27 Novenber 2009 (Friday)
Went for tuition in the afternoon then followed by badminton with WH, B, SJ and JY. It was raining soon after and hence, did just managed to play for a while. I managed to had a short talk with B. He admitted that he initially had confidence that he will pass PSLE. Hence, was very disappointed and angry with himself that he didnt managed to pass. He said that this was a good wake up call for him and he had to put in more efforts in his studies. Hopefully, he really woke up.
Had a a short talk with WH as well. He was happy that he managed to pass but he got real down when he talked about leaving the school. His eyes got red again. When i taught him at P5 initially, i nvr thought that he can become so emotional. Haiz... How time flies and children mature... I even made a pact with WH and B to celebrate Xmas next year, cos this year I celebrating Xmas in Phuket. Hahah.. Hope this pact can come to pass....
25 November 2009 (Wednesday)
As lying on my bed watching Animal Planet, suddenly remember that tmr is the PSLE result releasing day. The stress start to creep up on me. The many 'what if' slowly flood my thoughts. What if.... What if...... What if...... Fell asleep only in the early morning.
26 November 2009 (Thursday)
Reach school in the morning. Saw the results. 5 of my F subj students didnt pass chinese. Though it doesnt matter as chinese is not counted as part of the result, i still felt as if I let the school down. Last year was a whooping 100% pass and this year is only 75% pass, I felt very down and depressed. However, i still put on a strong front and act as if nothing happen. However, deep inside, I was thinking about how others will think. Am I really that lousy?
Saw all the P6 pupils and tons of pupils in the hall, all waiting for the release of results. Some were smiling and some were nervous.
All went back to the classrooms to get their results. Some were happy when they got their results but some broke down immediately upon receiving the news.
One student got my attention. B was smiling all the way till the moment he got his result. He was retained. His smile went away immediately and became silent. He went back to his seat and tears start to drop. I knew him for two years and this is the first time i saw his tears drop. Never had i imagine that he could be so disappointed. Nomatter how i console him, his tears flowed like a stream.
Looking outside, i saw WH standing there,looking in. His eyes were also red and before long, his tears start to flow as well. He went to askhim what happen.. He said that he cried because he felt sad for B and as well as he coundlt bear to leave the school ,after 6 years of studying. Truthly speaking, at the point of time, I felt like crying as well.
The Prem asked me over. I was thinking why she called me in a rush. Then i went into the classroom and saw M trying to grab hold of E. E was inconsolable cos he was scared that his Dad might jus give him a good beating. He even thought of committing suicide. Reading this, you might feel that he is just acting. But if you were on the scene, you will know that he actually meant it. But finally, he managed to cool down and we managed to call his mum to speak on the phone with him. After a long while, i released my hold on him. Felt very anggry at his mum for treating him like this.
In the afternoon, realised that I forgot to order the YEP t-shirt while on the way to NCHS to deliver the cheques. Hence, had to return back to school to order the shirts. After which, had to go to NUH to buy the group medicine and then to IMM to buy First Aid kit.
27 Novenber 2009 (Friday)
Went for tuition in the afternoon then followed by badminton with WH, B, SJ and JY. It was raining soon after and hence, did just managed to play for a while. I managed to had a short talk with B. He admitted that he initially had confidence that he will pass PSLE. Hence, was very disappointed and angry with himself that he didnt managed to pass. He said that this was a good wake up call for him and he had to put in more efforts in his studies. Hopefully, he really woke up.
Had a a short talk with WH as well. He was happy that he managed to pass but he got real down when he talked about leaving the school. His eyes got red again. When i taught him at P5 initially, i nvr thought that he can become so emotional. Haiz... How time flies and children mature... I even made a pact with WH and B to celebrate Xmas next year, cos this year I celebrating Xmas in Phuket. Hahah.. Hope this pact can come to pass....
Monday, November 23
Thoughts
Today just have the P6 Prom.
I was seated next to 6C. I realised though i didnt teach 6C this year, I was closer to them as compared to my 6K whom I was teaching this year. I was joking and laughing with them and hanging around with them.
NW was taking the initiative to interact with me, which is something new as compared to when i met him the first time last year. He actually says to both AL and me that he will miss the both of ud. And we could really sense that he really meant what he says from his eyes. This appreciation are really the rewards that I joined this service for. Not the monetary, but the ones that money cant buy.
R and E was asking me today what will happen if I take F subj next year again. They were actually quite shocked to hear theat i will request to leave the sch if I am assigned to F subj again. They always thought that I am coping well this year and is able to control.
But the fact is, I felt really demoralised teach F subj. I drag myself to work whenever I have class with F subj. I no longer felt the eagerness to interact with the kids. Whatever i showed, was just to overcome the demoralised feeling I have deep inside me. What passion do you have when u practically have to drag yourself out of bed almost everyday?
Opting for another pasture might seem like a coward act to others but I seriously cant take it. I am a person that is not comfortable with moving to an unfamiliar place but if this goes on, that leaves me with no choice. The feel I get from the working place is that once they find that you are able to cope with his environment, you are doomed for this environment. I caanot see myself in this environment for long. If i continue to let this go on for years, it will be a matter of time before it breaks.
But anyway, back to happier thoughts. I felt good that that 6C still remembers me though i didnt taught them for one year alr. I felt appreciated when they take the initiative to say hi to me and treat me as their confidate. This is my motivation, for staying on....
I was seated next to 6C. I realised though i didnt teach 6C this year, I was closer to them as compared to my 6K whom I was teaching this year. I was joking and laughing with them and hanging around with them.
NW was taking the initiative to interact with me, which is something new as compared to when i met him the first time last year. He actually says to both AL and me that he will miss the both of ud. And we could really sense that he really meant what he says from his eyes. This appreciation are really the rewards that I joined this service for. Not the monetary, but the ones that money cant buy.
R and E was asking me today what will happen if I take F subj next year again. They were actually quite shocked to hear theat i will request to leave the sch if I am assigned to F subj again. They always thought that I am coping well this year and is able to control.
But the fact is, I felt really demoralised teach F subj. I drag myself to work whenever I have class with F subj. I no longer felt the eagerness to interact with the kids. Whatever i showed, was just to overcome the demoralised feeling I have deep inside me. What passion do you have when u practically have to drag yourself out of bed almost everyday?
Opting for another pasture might seem like a coward act to others but I seriously cant take it. I am a person that is not comfortable with moving to an unfamiliar place but if this goes on, that leaves me with no choice. The feel I get from the working place is that once they find that you are able to cope with his environment, you are doomed for this environment. I caanot see myself in this environment for long. If i continue to let this go on for years, it will be a matter of time before it breaks.
But anyway, back to happier thoughts. I felt good that that 6C still remembers me though i didnt taught them for one year alr. I felt appreciated when they take the initiative to say hi to me and treat me as their confidate. This is my motivation, for staying on....
Friday, November 20
Catching Up
Yesterday, went to meet up with some of my former students.
It was quite impromtu. Was coming out from the Gents then saw them loitering around the compound. They called out to me and hence, went to join them. After a few mins of senseless talking, we decide to ajourn to Mac to chat somemore.
Upon arriving at Mac, saw serveral others. We ordered our own food (luckily they nvr ask me to treat) and sat down to chit chat.
Talked about a number of things. From one end of the world to the other. Felt that they have really matured a lot. We even talked about sensitive issues of feelings and emotions which i felt was quite amazing.
We sat there for about 2 hours. Even saw another stuents' mum who treat us to 3 packets of fries! Hahah... So nice of her!
Reflecting....
Isnt this what I have been looking forward to ? Isnt this my motivating factor for joining the service? Fights and tugs has made me lost my track and now, I suddenly found back the rightful track again. To empower others, to biuld rapport, to make new friends...........
It was quite impromtu. Was coming out from the Gents then saw them loitering around the compound. They called out to me and hence, went to join them. After a few mins of senseless talking, we decide to ajourn to Mac to chat somemore.
Upon arriving at Mac, saw serveral others. We ordered our own food (luckily they nvr ask me to treat) and sat down to chit chat.
Talked about a number of things. From one end of the world to the other. Felt that they have really matured a lot. We even talked about sensitive issues of feelings and emotions which i felt was quite amazing.
We sat there for about 2 hours. Even saw another stuents' mum who treat us to 3 packets of fries! Hahah... So nice of her!
Reflecting....
Isnt this what I have been looking forward to ? Isnt this my motivating factor for joining the service? Fights and tugs has made me lost my track and now, I suddenly found back the rightful track again. To empower others, to biuld rapport, to make new friends...........
Saturday, November 14
Thursday, November 12
Tuesday, November 10
IPhone goes to Starhub !!!
Yeah!! Official liao.... IPhone to coming to Starhub end of this year !
Third Singaporean Mobile Operator to Offer IPhone
By Sumner Lemon, IDG News Service - Sun Nov 8, 2009 9:50PM EST
Add articles about technology to your My Yahoo!
Singaporean mobile operator StarHub will start selling Apple's iPhone before the end of this year, the company said Monday.
The announcement means all three of Singapore's mobile operators will offer the iPhone, which is currently only available from Singapore Telecommunications (SingTel), which began selling the handset last year. In October, MobileOne said it had reached an agreement with Apple to offer the iPhone.
"StarHub and Apple have reached an agreement to bring iPhone to customers in Singapore later this year. StarHub looks forward to offering iPhone and a range of tailored service plans to customers in Singapore," the operator said in a statement that used the same wording as the statement released by M1 last month.
Neither StarHub or M1 has yet revealed price plans for the iPhone. SingTel's plans range from a monthly charge of S$39 (US$28) to S$205, and offer from 500MB to 3GB of data downloads before excess data charges kick in for users. The cheapest plan offers 100 minutes of talktime on outgoing plans, while the most expensive offers 1,500 minutes.
For SingTel's cheapest iPhone plan, users pay from S$398 for an iPhone 3G 8GB to S$678 for an iPhone 3GS 32GB. Users that sign up for more expensive plans get the handsets for free.
Third Singaporean Mobile Operator to Offer IPhone
By Sumner Lemon, IDG News Service - Sun Nov 8, 2009 9:50PM EST
Add articles about technology to your My Yahoo!
Singaporean mobile operator StarHub will start selling Apple's iPhone before the end of this year, the company said Monday.
The announcement means all three of Singapore's mobile operators will offer the iPhone, which is currently only available from Singapore Telecommunications (SingTel), which began selling the handset last year. In October, MobileOne said it had reached an agreement with Apple to offer the iPhone.
"StarHub and Apple have reached an agreement to bring iPhone to customers in Singapore later this year. StarHub looks forward to offering iPhone and a range of tailored service plans to customers in Singapore," the operator said in a statement that used the same wording as the statement released by M1 last month.
Neither StarHub or M1 has yet revealed price plans for the iPhone. SingTel's plans range from a monthly charge of S$39 (US$28) to S$205, and offer from 500MB to 3GB of data downloads before excess data charges kick in for users. The cheapest plan offers 100 minutes of talktime on outgoing plans, while the most expensive offers 1,500 minutes.
For SingTel's cheapest iPhone plan, users pay from S$398 for an iPhone 3G 8GB to S$678 for an iPhone 3GS 32GB. Users that sign up for more expensive plans get the handsets for free.
Sunday, November 8
一个Kelong的学习之旅
Went to a Kelong yesterday to have a rough it out 2D1N. As usual of steeping into a foriegn territory, I needed some time to get used to it. The floor was quite dirty and i was quite skeptical about sitting on it. But i was looking around my team mates and i realise that i don take the initiative to sit on the floor during group discussions, my team will never sit down in a group and share. Do in the end, I did.
The first thing we did when we settle down was to cook lunch, with the lunch team preparing it. I didnt ate much. As per my usual habit, I need a few hours to get used to the the environment and while I am at it, my food intake was super low. It might be also contributed by the fact that the environment was not very hygenic as compared to the ones I lived in. Also, the porridge was a bit cold. But nevertheless, kudos to the lunch team to cook something decent for us so that we don have to go hungry.
After lunch was a series of facilitation sessions. Everything went quite well except that it was quite serious. Don know why I cant get the ambience to a more relaxed and joyful feel.
Dinner was served a bit late but it was real good! It was a one dish meal but it was SUPER NICE. Thks to the dinner team, I two bowls of rice and 3 pcs of chicken. It might be due to the fact i ate very little for lunch. The grp update was a bit draggy and not everyone was listening. But at least the impt points were covered and agreed upon.
During the late at night, we did a sharing of our fears. It went relatively well but still fall short of what i expect. Hmmm... Maybe i'm expecting too much.
After the last activity, i went to sleep on a sofa and my eyes closed after a few mintues. But, i did not get a good night sleep. I kept waking up every 45 mins or so. Cnt get to real sleep and I do not know the reason why? Is it due to stress or is it due to getting used to the sofa? This, i cnt even answer myself.
Finally, at the last time i open my eyes, dawn was breaking. Seeing such a nice scenery not to be missed, i got out my notebook and pen and went to the edge of the kelong to admire the hard-to-find scene and as well as to do some reflection.
Below are my reflection as I sat by the kelong.
" 现在是6.30pm， 我在Kelong上。在Kelong上的早上，有一种莫名的宁静。坐在Kelong的一个角落，随着发电机的杂声，仿佛来到了另外一种世界。
日出的第一道柔光划过碧蓝的天空，为蓝蓝的天空增添不少色彩。码头的起重机举得高高的，又闪着点点星光似的。早晨的阳光好像在唤醒大地，叫我们起床了。
随着Kelong的摇摆，安静地听着发电机的旋律，看着无边无际的大海；我觉得一身的平静。
回想昨晚，真是令我打开眼界。我从来都不知道晚上的Kelong可以是那么地热闹。虽然Kelong的装饰算不上堂皇，但是还是有不少热爱钓鱼的同道中人前往Kelong来钓鱼。他们一手拿着夜宵和睡袋，另外一只手拿着钓鱼竿，开开心心地踏上Kelong。人生的乐趣不是不过如此吗？和几个志同道合的好友或至亲享受几个小时无手机铃声的时光，那也不是一种享受？每次都到霓虹灯闪烁的夜间场所，偶尔到了没有流行音乐的领域，也是另一种乐趣。
回到了现在，太阳好像是一粒圆圆的蛋黄袅袅地升到上空。人们开始工作的吵杂声开始了，一天的忙碌又从这里开始。"
马特
2009年11月8日
The first and only activity for the second day went pretty well. Some of the characters were easy to guess while others were difficult. After the first activity, i asked around how they felt about this entire trip. Most commented that this trip was good as it gives us the chance to know each other better and gel togther. However, I felt that the team was still not very bonded together. Agan, am I expecting too much or what?
But anyway, we came to the end of the trip. We packed up pretty fast and left the kelong. I was so tired on the taxi that i feel asleep almost immediately when my head touched the head rest. When i reached home, I actually slept for 5 hours before i open my eyes again to eat my dinner.
The first thing we did when we settle down was to cook lunch, with the lunch team preparing it. I didnt ate much. As per my usual habit, I need a few hours to get used to the the environment and while I am at it, my food intake was super low. It might be also contributed by the fact that the environment was not very hygenic as compared to the ones I lived in. Also, the porridge was a bit cold. But nevertheless, kudos to the lunch team to cook something decent for us so that we don have to go hungry.
After lunch was a series of facilitation sessions. Everything went quite well except that it was quite serious. Don know why I cant get the ambience to a more relaxed and joyful feel.
Dinner was served a bit late but it was real good! It was a one dish meal but it was SUPER NICE. Thks to the dinner team, I two bowls of rice and 3 pcs of chicken. It might be due to the fact i ate very little for lunch. The grp update was a bit draggy and not everyone was listening. But at least the impt points were covered and agreed upon.
During the late at night, we did a sharing of our fears. It went relatively well but still fall short of what i expect. Hmmm... Maybe i'm expecting too much.
After the last activity, i went to sleep on a sofa and my eyes closed after a few mintues. But, i did not get a good night sleep. I kept waking up every 45 mins or so. Cnt get to real sleep and I do not know the reason why? Is it due to stress or is it due to getting used to the sofa? This, i cnt even answer myself.
Finally, at the last time i open my eyes, dawn was breaking. Seeing such a nice scenery not to be missed, i got out my notebook and pen and went to the edge of the kelong to admire the hard-to-find scene and as well as to do some reflection.
Below are my reflection as I sat by the kelong.
" 现在是6.30pm， 我在Kelong上。在Kelong上的早上，有一种莫名的宁静。坐在Kelong的一个角落，随着发电机的杂声，仿佛来到了另外一种世界。
日出的第一道柔光划过碧蓝的天空，为蓝蓝的天空增添不少色彩。码头的起重机举得高高的，又闪着点点星光似的。早晨的阳光好像在唤醒大地，叫我们起床了。
随着Kelong的摇摆，安静地听着发电机的旋律，看着无边无际的大海；我觉得一身的平静。
回想昨晚，真是令我打开眼界。我从来都不知道晚上的Kelong可以是那么地热闹。虽然Kelong的装饰算不上堂皇，但是还是有不少热爱钓鱼的同道中人前往Kelong来钓鱼。他们一手拿着夜宵和睡袋，另外一只手拿着钓鱼竿，开开心心地踏上Kelong。人生的乐趣不是不过如此吗？和几个志同道合的好友或至亲享受几个小时无手机铃声的时光，那也不是一种享受？每次都到霓虹灯闪烁的夜间场所，偶尔到了没有流行音乐的领域，也是另一种乐趣。
回到了现在，太阳好像是一粒圆圆的蛋黄袅袅地升到上空。人们开始工作的吵杂声开始了，一天的忙碌又从这里开始。"
马特
2009年11月8日
The first and only activity for the second day went pretty well. Some of the characters were easy to guess while others were difficult. After the first activity, i asked around how they felt about this entire trip. Most commented that this trip was good as it gives us the chance to know each other better and gel togther. However, I felt that the team was still not very bonded together. Agan, am I expecting too much or what?
But anyway, we came to the end of the trip. We packed up pretty fast and left the kelong. I was so tired on the taxi that i feel asleep almost immediately when my head touched the head rest. When i reached home, I actually slept for 5 hours before i open my eyes again to eat my dinner.
Tuesday, November 3
Confused
Why am i getting the feeling that most of the people are not interested? Is my leadership skills that dull and unmotivating ? Is it really that sianz to work under me ? Why, why, why.................
Feel so down but yet, still must carry on. Is that part of the learning package?
Feel so down but yet, still must carry on. Is that part of the learning package?
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