28th April 2007

Today's my buddy B day. Had to stay @ home to mark compositions. Damn sianz. But anyway, dwarf, Happy Birthday to You.

Practicum over soon. Hope i can get my life back again.

I have finished all my teaching alr. Actually, now the prac period moved back, its actually good. Cos during the exam time, we can hav time to mark finish all the books. Unlike the previous batch, i saw them frantically marking brfore their period end. Some even came back after prac to finish marking. Hahha... @ least i don need to do so.

Went to relieve my previous practicum class yesterday. Some of them shoot up so tall that i couldnt regconise them. Had a period to chat with them. Realise that they don like their chinese teacher. When the chinese teacher came in to tell them something, some of them were ignoring their chinese teacher. Some even asked me question when their chinese teacher was telling them stuff. Wow... Actaully this class is ok one, jus a bit talkative. Why they hate their chinese teacher so much?

The last P3 observation, i onli gt one proficient, the rest acceptable. Hahah... But i think tats ok. I thought i would get unacceptable. Was sleepless the entire night. Luckily scrapped thru. But on the average, i am still satisfied with my results ma. My P3 4 observations: 3 observations (all skills proficient). i observation (4 acceptable, 1 proficent). My p5 observations: ( average 2 acceptable, 3 proficient)and my last observation i got all proficent. Haha... Ok lar. Should get pass with merit. Distinction is so far away, Hahah... Saw a distinction lesson by one my high flier teacher in CHS. Okie lar, i really "pei fu" him. Nothing to say abt his lesson.

My final posting is coming out soon. Hopefully i can stay in CHS. I like the culture there. I like the environment there. I just found out from my asst CT that TVPS wants me back and they r willing to do a one to one exchange with CHS. OMG! Hope this doesnt come to realise. I have made my point clearly to my Asst CT (HOD Chinese). Hope that i can get what i wan.

Leaving my fate in Your hands.

25th April 2007

Today was such a bad day. It jus didnt go right from the start.

First, i woke up quite late. Ard 615am then i woke up. Need to rush off to work.

Then, i found out that my ppt slides juz went missing. Search the whole laptop but jus counldnt find it @ all. So have to rush and rush. I didnt eat for the enire day till after school when i reached home.

Got two observation 2day. The p5 one was still okie. The p3 one was disaterous. I was doing my teaching materials for the kids up to the last minute. I reached the class room one min late and my CT was already in the classroom.One pt down. Then, i waited for the boys to set up the lap top. I didnt prepare anything to make the students busy while the boys were settling the lap top cos i thought i would make it in time. Siao liao lor. I asked the whole class to read the passage while the boys were settling the lap top. Then, even after they finished reading, the lap top was still not ready. I need to ask them questions right off my head. Wah lau. Stress lor. My CT was writing down points after points. I was gg mad liao.

After 20min, the lap top was still not ready. I decide to do everything on the whiteboard then instead of relying on IT. Then, i think because i got off a bad start, the whole class was in chaos. I need to settle them down again and again. Due to my nervousness, i was also perspiring like no ones' biz. I really feel like jus to stop teaching lor. I think tis time die liao. Tis observation sure all unacceptable. See what my CT have to say when i meet her tmr lor.

When i reached the staff room, i saw TVPS SMS. I called back and realised the TVPS Principal has alr talked to CHS Principal for the request to have me nack to TVPS. TVPS even has alr made plans for me to take over Boys Brigade when i go over. I haven decide yet and they alr made plans for me. Actually, i was thinking not to go TVPS anymore. I wanted to go CHS more. Now, they made plans for me and even went to the extent of talking to CHS principal. Win liao lor. I now really @ loss of what to do.

Feel really down. Tried to reach my buddy to talk over but couldnt contact him. Went to Seletar Resrvoir alone. Sat there for ard 1 hr. Let all thoughts rush thru my mind and tried very hard to cool myself down. Then, raindrops start to fall and sianz...... Hav to get back into the car and drove back home. On the way, went to coffee shop to get my breakfast cum lunch cum tea-break. Saw my sec sch classmate. He asked me why i look so depressed. I don know what to tell him lor.

Haiz... Take one thing @ a time bahz. Don wan to think so much now. Yes, i know that this is like running away from reality but i juz don wan to think anymore. Take a good slp and see how things go again tmr. Which reminds me, i haven do the lesson plan for tmr yet. Sianz X 100000000.

Father, i pray to you to hold and carry me in Your arms again. I need Your touch to keep my strength going on. I know that Your powers are beyond what we can imagine and I pray that You can always keep me strong again.

23 April 2007

Oh Gosh! I'm left with only less than 2 weeks in CH. Time really flies. Left 2/3 lesson observations.

I still remember the time when i first step into Catholic High (June 2006). Sianz was the first thing on my mind. Now, i am graduating soon and getting my final posting ard Labour Day. Hmmm... A bit cant bear to leave the kids in CH behind, haha... Yes, yes. They are pests @ times but then, after quite a long time with them, grew to like them, even my P5 class.

Now, I hav to make a dreadful decision. ITs........ what do i hav to buy for my CTs to thank them for their support and pointers? Hahah.. Quite a loss @ what to give. Any suggestions anyone?

Also, i deperately searching for someone to watch The Phantom Of The Oprea with me. Anyone wans join me? I really really wan watch that play. Its season is ending soon in may. Call me if u r interested!

Father, though i am lethargic nowadays, i know You are recharging me slowly. Thank you Father for all the help and encouragement You have given me. I also thank YoU for the friends u hav placed in my life.

To all my friends reading my entry, thank you for all the encouragment you hav given me. I really appreciate it.

18th April 2007

Feel very stressed up alr. Though the large bulk of the practicum is already over, i felt more stressed than ever. Feel lethargic. Feel restless. Feel sad.

Now doing lesson plans for tmr. Feel so useless. Cant really think of any creative way to make the lesson lively.

Had my 2 observations today. Pri 3: All proficient. Pri 5: 3 Acceptable and 2 proficient.

Eyes feel heavy. Wan to slp.

Holding hands with You.

All these are my tuition kids for this year.... But my fav tuition kid not up yet. haha.. Yes yes... I know i shouldnt show favortism...

1st: Very smart. From Maris Stella. Don need much supervision. Basically, jus go there, supervise. He is jus too laxy to do comprehension @ times.

2nd: Super cheeky. He is super well behaved at home but turns to a monkey when his parents not there. His famous action is : "I don know " with a super innocent look.

3rd: Super cheeky. I call him "Stupid Sun Wukong" and he admits it. Haha.. Even his mum agrees with me. Treats me to drink occasionally. Will share his food with me, i mean snacks. But he cant sit still. Like gt pins on butt

4th & 5th: They are brothers. One in P5 and other in P4. P5 is in EM3 but quite willing to learn. Hope can go EM2 nxt yr. P4 kid is like i need to harp on him all the way. Don do homework, hav the bo chap attitude.

Waiting for my fav kid to upload up....


Dear Father, thank You for the joy you brought into my life.

3rd:

Felt a sense of relief for the first time

Woke up damn early again. Haha.. Actually not so early lar. This is one of the few times i woke up @ 5 plus. Normally, I woke up ard 4 plus. However, this morning, when i woke up, i actaully had nothing to do. Last few weeks was actaully waking up ard 4 plus to finish up lessoon plans and do teaching resources. Whew! This is one of the few lucky days where i felt more relieved.

I've cleared 5 lesson observations alr. Now left 5 more. Aim to get 2-3 down next week. I wanna clear all the lesson observations asap then i can start to teach without that "load" bothering me all the time.

Weeks have passed since i entered CHS. Felt more and more accustomed to the culture there. The few pts they need to improve on is juz they need to spring less suprises on us. Yesterday, ard 12 noon, they suddenly sprang an announcement stating that tmr morning will be tempreature taking. Diao..Winner liao lor. This means my 1st period kena makan again and my lesson will drag even further more. Luckily, my CT cum HOD Chinese, helped me to teach the lesson faster and hence, i am one of the few practicum teachers that are able to complete the syllabus on time.

Life hav become quite monotonous for me. Hope i can take a short break to recharge myself. Maybe go to a pub to hav a chat with some friends, KTV, movie, shopping, cycling or something else to do.

June, SJA will be organising a trip to KL. Feel like gg for this trip as i think its the perfect opportunity for me to visit KL as i nvr visited it before (yes yes. I am a mountain turtle).My plan is to go together with SJA and when they start to come back to Spore, i wan extend my trip down there. I jus wanna carry my backpack with me and roam abt. I hav done it once in CHina and i don think it will be too difficult for me to roam abt in KL. but one thing i need to bring. That is.... the malay conversation book. Hahah... I am so glad i bought it a few yrs ago.

I will also be gg for a cruise with my buddy and one of my friend in june too. Hope this 'dream' will come to pass. I really need to get my passport stamped and this is not juz a JB thingy. Actually hope that i can travel to places like Cambodia, Vietnam or Korea. But due to $$$ constraint, haha... Felt cruise was a better choice for my account.

Dear Father, Holy be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is on heaven. Give us our daily bread. Forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.Do not lead us to temptation but deliver us from it. And all this in Jesus name we pray, Amen!

I am confused

Does people in love really juz need to live for love alone? Do they really jus think tat love alone can substain their life?

Went out with A just now. He was complaining that he haven do a lot of things that he is supposed to do. He says he need to chiong all the way juz to get his things started. But when we are supposed to start, he juz sms B to tell her that he is starting work soon. Then, calls and sms start to carry on from there.

I began to wonder....... You were complaining that you don have enought time to do a lot of things and then ,juz bcos of one person, you can jus leave ur things aside and jus go out to talk.

I jus really felt sorry, pitiful and angry @ him. Don ask me why i feel this way. I, myself, don know the answer. This person was obviously juz making use of him. He knew it but why doesnt he juz face reality? When he feel sad bcos of that tat person, did tat person bother @ all? However, when tat person felt down, he juz go all out juz to make tat person happy.

He said hyimself tat he will not contact tat person for a period of time. When i met him recently, he says he's still in contact with the person cos the person sms him first. However, he juz told me tat he juz started to sms tat person before ed to do his work. I felt utterly dissapppointed and sad for him. I don think he is the person i used to know him as. He useed to be decisive and a person with strong will. A person tat will keep hs words. But now, I feel that he can jus change his character jus bcos of a person. What happen to his personality?

I know i shouldnt feel this way abt him, but truly speaking, i began to look down on him. One of his friend and me have tried very hard to talk him out but in vain. I think he juz shuts his ear on watever we say. I really don know wat to say anymore. I've done my best and the rest is up to him. I am juz visionlising, that one day, he will be hurt even further. I am also very scared that at tat time, he will be so hurt tat he will do things tat might cause him injury forever.

He says that he know tat he gt no future with tat person. He state that he know tat the future is imposible for him and tat person. He says that he jus wan to be friends with tat person. But i feel tat he juz don wan to face up to reality. He jus wan to escape and don wan to endure the hurt that he might face now. I jus hope tht the hurt he feel ltr will not push him to the extreme.

I dislike tat person so much. If you feel that tat particular person doesnt hav a future with you and you know tat person has a liking towards you, pls send him a clear msg. Don jus say you and him gt no future, hurt him. Then when he feels better, you start to do all those stupid things to make him feel tat he gt hope again. I am not saying tat you must not contact him again but then, pls don do all those things that onli those in a relationship will do. You feel make me feel like you behave more and more like a bitch! Which decent gal will reject a guy,make him feel so sad and hurt, but then ltr on, start all the calls and sms everyday? I jus hope that A will jus pick up his courage and face the reality outside now instead os hiding in his shell. I know tat this sounds crude. I know tat as his friend, ishould say this. But then, i believe that a true friend should tell you straight in the face:" WAKE UP! Stop dreaming."


Father, I just pray that you can pave a way for this friend of mine. You know who is is he and i pray, oh Father, tat he will not feel so much hurt as he felt previously. Father, I might sound nonchanlant abt this matter but i really care for him. He should be a man of strong character, someone i can make him my role model, someone tat is one step higher than me, as wat i know him as. I know tat his character now is nt the true person he is. I pray, Father, tat you help him thru this and help him become stronger. So strong that he will be able to face up to the realities in life. So strong that he can overcome all setbacks in life. So strong that he tat he can withstand all obstacles. I pray all these, in the name of Jesus, Amen.

My thoughts

(X and Y were in a relationship for a few days. More than half a year ago, they went on their seperate ways. Today, they met each other in a cafe, with Z and other friends. X found out that Y's BF was there too.)

X: Z, why didnt you tell me that Y gt bf liao?
Y: X, when are you going to stop running away from reality?
U look like a loser if u juz wan run away.
X: Hmmmm... Yah hor. Really like loser.
Me thinks: X, you mean you never thought about this prob before? You mean if Z nvr tell you this straight in the face, you will run away forever. You mean you nvr think wat are you r going to do in the future if you work wif her in the future?


(X arrive at cafe together with X's friend. X's friend saw Y's current bf.)
X's friend to X: Its her (Y) lose that she nvr treasure you. Y's bf face really cannot make it.
Me thinks abt X's friend: If you really treat X as your friend, please ask him to face up to reality. After a few months, you are still "comforting" him? Why are you trying to get his ego so big again. I think you should jus ask him to forget and move on instead of saying negative points abt Y's bf.

(X,Z are in the cafe with others.)
X: Z,when are we moving on to MOS or somewhere else? (Z told X most prob they will be going to clubbing beforehand.)
Z: Don know lehz. See when the others want to move lor.
X (10mins ltr):Hey, so how? When wan to go off?
Z: Don know lehz... Don know they wan go makan or not. Wait lor.
X (10min ltr): So when are we going?
Me thinks: Why are you so eager to go clubbing? Z told you might be gg to clubbing, its nt even a promise. Why are you constantly asking Z when to go off? Are you running away from something or are you desperate?


(X, Y, Y's bf and quite a few others were outside the cafe. X was standing quite a few metres away from Y. X kept looking at Y and Y's bf. Y's bf was wrapping his arms ard Y. X kept looking at them, or rather her, till he notice someone was observing him.)
Me thinks about X: Since you agree to face up to reality, please face it up straight then. You mean after so many months and you are still clinging on. Not telling you to be flirtious but you should really let go. If you really love her, let her find her happiness. Don cling on forever. Face it up and life moves on.)


(X, Y and Z with the others are gg to move on to another place. Me and a few others who are not joining hav cars who are willing to ferry them to the nxt destination.
X's friend, who is driving a car and gg to the nxt destination jus drive off with Z, without asking whether anyone needs a ride.)
Me thinks abt X's friend: Why couldnt u jus be a gentleman and ask if anyone wans a ride from you in stead of picking up Z and jus drove off as fast as you could? Even if Y needs a ride from you, please be gentlemen enough to offer her naf her bf a ride since you are gg off asap? If you really wan to help X over this matter, you shldnt be acting tis way. You are alr so old but i think that ur maturity is not there yet.

J: All of us shld move on. After we fall, we should pick up our emotions and move on in life. Life is short and we shouldnt make it any shorter.
Me thinks: Life is short and we shldnt make it any shorter, this sentence is so politically correct. But how many of us can really pick up our emotions and move on with life? For me, i know i cant do it till now (abt 1 matter). But i am trying very hard.

(All characters are fictionous.)

One of my friend change a lot after a few months. I don know what is wrong but i jus hav a feeling i don like his attitude and behaviour and his thinking anymore. He jus changed a lot and I think that his maturity seems to drop drastically. Not that i am pretending to be very mature but i seriously think that he needs to think abt his recent attitude and behaviour.

Went out with a grp of friends today. Felt quite distant from them. Felt like a total stranger when they talk abt things i don understand. Why is this so?

Father, i know that You are way wiser than any of us. Your ways that we cannot comprehend. Lead us, guide us to the correct path we shld take. Do not lead us to temptation and deliver us from our sins. Amen!

5 more weeks

Times pass by us without us noticing it. I am now only left with 4 weeks to finish all my lesson observations. Cleared 3 already. Now left 7. Next week want to clear 3. Then left 4. Hahah.. Cant wait for next week to arrive.

Actually feel quite tired alr. All the endless lesson plans seem to be chasing me like siao. Got one day, i even had a nightmare that i cant finish my lesson plan in time and in the end, failed my practicum. HOPE this doesnt come true.

So far, all my 3 lesson observations gt all proficient. Not bad. Hope that this type of standard goes on. Maintain and distinction shouldnt be too far away. The last lesson observation was terrible. I was preparing all the teaching resources even up to the eleventh hour. Lukily, all went well and my CT says that i have improved a lot since the last lesson ob. Now, she wan me to aim for excelling. Diao... Further stress. She says that the rapport with students was excellent, provided that i onli hav a few weeks with them. During their compo writing, i went ard helping the students. HAHAH... SHe actully says that i painted a very good pic of teachers guiding students. Diao... hahah... But felt quite high when i heard this, like on drugs.

I have recieved a letter from SAF that i own a $60 BIG voucher. This time, i will make sure i go down to collect. Last time, i forgt to go collect and then was wasted in the end.

SAF also gave me another time bomb. Selected me to go for driving course to prepare me for Class 4 driving. WTF! They really so shortage till so jial at ma. SMS my PC but he like in outer space. What can i say ?

Kena 2 parking fines in a month. WTF!Damn suay.